WARNING!!! Kid Post!!!

So it’s Spring Break and not realizing it’s 2 whole weeks long rather than only 1 week like when we were kids, we didn’t plan a lot of activities for Stella. We also didn’t realize that her scheduled activities, dance and tae kwon do, would be cancelled. So I’m trying to keep her busy and do fun stuff but I’m failing miserably. 

You see I have a big confession, the kind of confession that will make other mothers give me dirty looks. It may also deter other mothers from wanting their children to play with mine but let’s be honest none of the other moms from Stella’s school are reading this shit anyways.

So here it is folks….I hate playdates. I’ve kept this dirty little secret to myself for years but I recently read an excerpt from Kelly Oxford’s new book of essays where she touches on the subject and it inspired me “to live my truth” for lack of better wording. 

Side note: I hate the term “spirit animal” but I can’t think of a better way to describe what Kelly Oxford is to me than my spirit animal. I just imagine someday if I ever get to meet her we could sit around drinking our iced vanilla lattes discussing all the people in the world who fucking irritate us while we Google mysterious illnesses that we both surely have. Oh and did I mention she’s Canadian AND a lover of the McDonalds Filet ‘O Fish?? All these years I was convinced the only reason it remained on the menu was due to my unwavering loyalty, years of being chastised by friends for eating it and I find somebody who proudly shouts from the rooftops how much she loves it as well!! So Kelly if for some reason you someday read this….visit me in the Okanagan next time you’re home in the Great White North.

But I digress…I think the real reason behind my hatred for playdates is I’m not a huge fan of other parents, yuck….that sounds so ugly!! I’m so sorry but it’s the truth!! That being said there are a few little buddies of Stella’s that are rad kids, most of them though are kids she’s met because I have become friends with their mothers first (Crystal) and they just happen to have kids Stella’s age (Neil). I want to make plans to have play dates with kids from her school but when I pick her up in the afternoon none of them seem too interested in her, and she them. As soon as she sees me she’s like “peace out I’m going home to listen to Bey with my mom”. 

When Stella was a baby/toddler the mom’s from my “Mommy and Me” group would try to arrange playdates at each other houses once a week and I rarely made it to their houses and HATED it when they came to mine. It was so crazy and loud and the kids would destroy my house pulling every single toy Stella owns out of every single labelled bin. But then as everybody is leaving and offering to stay and help clean up Im so anxious to get people out of my house that I just say “oh don’t worry about, it’s not a big deal.” But it is a big deal, I spent 3 hours cleaning the house before you even got here so you would think my house is aways this clean and organized. I could also always tell when the mom’s were 100% judging the lack of outlet covers on all the outlets, or random small things lying around the house (we never had a problem with Stella putting things in her mouth). Or god forbid they look in my pantry and find the no name brand zesty cheezies from Safeway, you know the ones that come in the big clear bag with red printing on them, that Stella had most definitely munched on. I once had a mom say to me in my own house “you know the candle you’re burning in your bathroom is full of toxins and is awful for your child”……ya but it’s my favorite candle from Bath and Body Works so….. 

I’ve basically avoided them unless it was just one other kid. 

I’m also not very good at entertaining kids, complete disclosure here guys, I’m the mom who’s gonna throw on a Disney movie for them and make a pot of KD…and I don’t feel bad about that. My husband is the fun parent, he will take Stella and a friend to the pool or the movies or sit on the floor and play Lego with them for hours!! 

But here we are, 1 whole week left of Spring break and I gotta do it for my kid….I gotta make the ultimate sacrifice and host a playdate. 

Because I’m SUCH a good mom you guys. 

But no more faking it for this working mom, the snacks will be chips and the lunch will be PB&J, we’ll watch a movie….maybe 2. But will the other mom really care?? No, because she’s getting an afternoon off to herself….she’ll probably come pick up her kid with a fresh manicure or no groceries in her car because she had time to get home and unload them by herself. She might have a little spring in her step because she got to poop in private while going down the rabbit hole of Instagram.

So in conclusion….let’s all give each other a parenting break once and a while. Also my kid would think you were the coolest mom ever if you gave her McDonalds for lunch during a playdate!

S